I have always been different. I for as long as I could remember liked things that a grown woman should have long out grown. I enjoy picking on the men I was with, singing, dancing around the house. I love books and crafts. I had quite an extensive collection of stuffed animals. I happen to love video games, I could play for hours. I happened to love cartoons and Disney movies. I have a bad habit of sucking my thumb. I was often told by my ex to "grow the fuck up" "You play to fucking much" "What's wrong with you" and my personal favorite "you're so fucking annoying"
For years I really thought there was something wrong with me. So I just stopped. I got rid of my stuffed animals. I stopped singing and dancing. I didn't play any more. I did not make things as often as I did. Gaming and books gave me peace so I kept those in my life despite constant ridicule for such hobbies. Mostly, I just felt depressed if anything at all. It is very difficult to stifle a part of yourself, especially the part of you that you need to feel happy, or anything at all for that matter. As an abused child I did not have a childhood at all. Something was always missing.
Many sad, lonely years later. I am standing in front of a man and I am doing what he refers to as my happy bounce. And he smiles at how happy I am. I playfully tease him as he tried to grab me. I back away from his reach and he smirks as he takes a step towards me. I squeal and run laughing through the house and he chases me. I am laughing and giggling the whole time till he grabs me and picks me up. "What a naughty girl running away from Daddy"
I am overly worried about being annoying, I need him to tell me often that I am not. I find it terrifying and refreshing at the same time that he just loves me for me. He does not mind buying me stuffed animals, he plays games with me. He loves that I sing and dance. He looks forward to it. Climb on him like a spider monkey and chew on him when I want attention. Never once has he said I was annoying or seemed annoyed by me.
One day he sends me an article, and as I read it I learn that I am a Middle/Brat. I like to color and do crafts, Daddy and I watch Disney movies, I like to tease Daddy and play, I like my little stuffed animals and trinkets, I bounce, sing, and dance. I pout an am sassy when I want Funishment or attention. I know what I am now. I am a Brat, and I have a Daddy who loves me. Even when I am a Sassy pants or a snappy turtle.
I do not feel out of place or alone anymore, but I did start to wonder what if others find out that I am a 30 something that loves stuffed animals, and being chased by Daddy? What if they find out about Daddy? Will they think badly of him? I can't have that. Together we decided that we don't care what people think. We live our lives privately and have not had an issue with anyone finding out. If we did, it wouldn't matter. Is having a kink the worse thing I could be, or do? Worse than lying, stealing, hurting people. The fact that Enjoy spankings does not make me less of a boss, mother, friend, lover. If anything, I am healthier and happier than I ever have been.
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