Somewhere in the middle

Daddy and I have been on a journey through life together. We had drug ourselves out of the terrible relationships that we once knew and managed to find each other. Part of this journey is our path in BDSM as Daddy and Little. For me I struggled with the little title because I do not fit all the stereotypes. Don't get me wrong I love stuffed animals, and I will put some pigtails in with the snap of Daddy's fingers if he wants to play slutty cheerleader, and douchey football star ;) However, I have no desire to wear them all the time, or color, drink from a sippy, etc. If others do that is fine. However, I have found through additional research that you can be a Middle (12-17 age range) which is still considered a little just a different age range. That was a relief. Middles tend to be a bit more mischievous which gets them into trouble with Daddy a little more often. They enjoy older activities such as movies, dates, shopping, going for walks, going for ice cream, and gaming.  They tend to be more flirty than a little, and a have higher sex drives. So I'm a little that's stuck in the middle and that is okay. 

Part of this journey for me is trusting another human being enough to not question myself. I understand that what Daddy says is final, I struggle, occasionally, with the fear that comes with trusting another person with well your life and all the decisions. It is a difficult task for those of us that are new and have not lived like this for that long. I have only ever depended on myself, I find at times I'm second guessing myself. I want to be good and obedient, but the bratty nature of being a middle gets in the way at times. I know this is just something I have to continue to work on as time goes on. I know that it can't always be easy for Daddy either to know what to do with me when I am struggling. It is important to take the time to learn about your roles and don't just dive in assuming you know it all. Just as it is important to talk to each other and work it out. 

Middles like little's need clear boundaries because they will wiggle through if you leave wiggle room. This is an important part of being a Daddy is making sure you are giving information and not just short answers. I personally do better if someone talks things through with me instead of being dismissive. If I don't feel things are resolved I instantly go into defensive mode. I have learned the hard way unresolved issues can come back later. In the absence of resolution I spiral. I'm not certain how to handle myself, or if the issue will creep up later. This make communication even more important to me. I need reassurance everything is going to be okay.  

Adding little things to your big world.

I love my little self :), more accurately I am a middle I favor more teenager like traits.  For so long I have hidden my little. While she is very much a part of me even in the community that should accept Daddy and I there are those who just do not get it. I feel even if I stand on a box an shout "this has nothing to do with pedophilia!" there are those who will still shake their heads and wonder why I would want to pretend to be five and bang my dad. **Sigh** This isn't about that though. For little/middle like me you know that there is this stigma in the world, and it is hard for people to see the real dynamic at work here. This means that it is even harder for us to bring pieces of our little lives into our big worlds.  It is super hard being adulty so much is expected especially if you have a high stress job. I have been looking for way to represent my whole self in my daily life. So I have looked into ways that I can sneak things in. I love music, and I have very cute headphones that I take to work. It isn't anything that anyone would notice. So when I am stressed at work I can put them on and listen to my music. It little space but on an adulty level ;)

 So the big day is coming and I am of course talking about the wedding. My wedding to be exact, and I have spent some time trying to figure out how to sympathetically blend both worlds. I have a huge family, so it cannot be obvious. I was able to fine the cutest Mary Janes! They are red and they have the cutest bows. The will look cute with skinny jeans, and killer with my dress.  Only Daddy and I will know the significance. It is important to find and maintain a balance. I want to have that part there with us because it is such a pillar in our life. I understand that this may be difficult for some of us. Especially, if you have friends and family that are of the more conservative nature. You do not want to select items that will draw too much obvious attention. You don't want to have to answer a bunch of questions about your Hello Kitty headband at work. Select small trinkets that can easily blend in with everyone else. Take time to look around the environment and see what you can get away with. In example, my office mate has lots of little figurines on her desk, I plan on adding some of my little figurines as well. 

As I get more comfortable in my skin, I find that I care less about the opinions of others. I am happy, and my life feels complete. So why would I leave a piece of my self out?  No one should have to choose what part of themselves that can be in public.