I remember the first trip I ever had to go on for work. It was 10 years ago and the woman I was traveling with was inconsolable, and I thought that she was a sappy fool. I, on the other hand was 7 years into a bad marriage and thankful for the time away. I had a long list of all the things I was going to do, and enjoy while I was away. There was minimal contact between my ex and I. I spent my evenings rolling my eyes from my side of the shared room, while my roommate's husband was on the phone trying to console her. She was a mess, and I just did not get it. After all there was a hot tub and no men to boss us around what was her deal?
Today, I sat in a training and listed to the presenter define "normal." As he pointed out that there really isn't a normal, as everyone has quirks others might not appreciate, and humans are fluid changing as time marches on. I thought about that first trip. I have not been away from home long, and in all I will only be gone a matter of days. However, what he said struck me because if I was still the me of 10 years ago I would probably be annoyed with the me I am today. Funny, how the world works isn't it?
I have to acknowledge that I am an entirely different person now. I am a brat, I am a submissive, I am a little, I belong to Daddy. As such I have a contract which means my life is very regulated. I work all day long and there I am the HBIC. However, when I get home I submit to my Daddy and follow his rules. I put my collar on, I look for him, we share affection, and greet each other. There is a lot of affection. When you have been a person that was affection starved most of your life, these things become very important.
So here I am away from him for a hand full of days which feels like an eternity and while there are calls, face time, texts. It does not replace hugs, kisses, and cuddles.
I find myself feeling lost, lonely, and sad. I just want to go home and curl up in his arms and breathe him in.
I know he misses me to, I'm just the more emotional of the two of us. So tonight while I am having a bath and a cry the psychologist in me can't help but whisper the words "Codependent" in my doubtful ear. Am I? No, in love yes, committed definitely, owned absolutely . However, I am strong and independent in my own right. This made me think about all the people in long distance, or not ideal relationships where they cannot see each other often. How this too must be a struggle. So how do you deal with being away from your Dom, without losing your mind?
First thing is make sure you make use of your "See you later day" the day before one of you goes away make sure your spending time together and being affectionate. For me it was cuddles, and kisses. Breathing Daddy in so I can remember his smell. Secondly, if you have trinkets that are special to you bring them with you for me this was my ring, my day collar, and my bear. These are all special gifts from Daddy to me so they mean a lot. We made the bear together, I think I may have rubbed his ear off this week. Three, establish a schedule of communication, especially for little as we are needy! Make sure you stick to this schedule, as many components of the relationship are missed out on during this time. Finally, remind yourself this is temporary!
I know some of you maybe reading this thinking she's whining about a few days, I haven't seen my SO in months. Know that I understand that too, in the beginning the first year or so Daddy and I were together we had a relationship that did not allow us to spend much time together. We saw each other when we could and it became very difficult to leave him when I had too. Initially, we believed that this would be the way we were going to have to live for a few years, but things changed and he was able to move sooner than we expected. We have been inseparable since.
I believe that when we have relationships that require such a high level of respect, communication, and intimacy one cannot help but to become attached. There is nothing wrong with craving the one you love, or longing to be with them. When situations arise that require the one you love to be away from you. Try and stay calm, and remember you'll be home soon! Missing my Daddy <3 Sally
