Love your husband everyday.

I think I have seen the same look on most people faces when I tell them I have sex with my husband when he wants, how he wants, as often as he wants. Men is always either the look of “wow” or “yeah right” women look at me like “you’re kidding”  I seldom get told “me too” I thought I would explain my point of view as to why.  First, I should start with the obvious question. This has nothing to do with our DD/lg lifestyle. It actually predates it.  So while it is a part of our now exsisting contract it really was just a continuation of what we were doing.  So I think the easiest way to explain it is to answer questions I think you may have.  So for demographic purposes we are in the 35-45 rage I am a few years younger than he is. I work 40 plus hours a week, Daddy works too fulltime. We work opposite shifts of each other. Certain days a week our time is limited. We have kids living with us. Anyone that has read any of my other posts knows I have Trauma history, PTSD, Anxiety, and every once in a while Depression shows up to the party.
That leaves us with reasons so let's start with number one. I find men begging for sex a huge turn off. Therefore; why would I even put my husband/Daddy in a position where he has to beg or even ask for that matter. It just sets the relationship up for failure.  He never has to ask, he just has to convince me. Why? This guarantees me foreplay, and gives him confidence.  Men, we love you but sometime you forget we need this.  Anyway, that brings me to what men need yes, you guess it, sex. Men equate sex with love in a relationship. Key word here is relationship. This is where men get their intimacy needs met, feel validated, and how they feel loved in a relationship. So like how we feel when they write us a nice note, buy a small unexpected gift, absentmindedly reach out and touch us. Men get that from intimate contact. I need to make sure his needs are met. Reason two It eliminates anxiety and conflict.  There are several things that couples routinely fight about Money, Family, Children, Sex. That is a fact, if you could secure your relationship by eliminating one of these why wouldn't you?  When you get into the pattern of the man asking for sex and continually being turned down it creates a cycle of anxiety he's anxious about approaching his lover for the affection he needs, she's worried about another confrontation over sex.  Daddy and I do not have this problem. Reason Three You just feel better.  Really, if we looked at this from a scientific angle kissing, cuddling, sex all do the same thing they release happy hormones into your body. For me this keeps my depression and anxiety at bay. Over all having sex more strengthens your immune system, increases your "feel good chemicals' and strengthens your bond with your significant other. Your mood is elevated and it improves your self-esteem.  Daddy, and I have been at it for so long I actually physically feel meh when we don't. Reason number four I am taking away reasons for him to go elsewhere. Put down your pitch fork I said reason not ability, and I am in no way stating that cheating is an excusable offence. What I am saying is when this occurs in a relationship the most common reason is unhappiness do to a lack of sex, love, physical contact, or feeling disconnected.  I think that if people are going to cheat there is not much you can do to stop them, but I know that I have not supplied a ready made reason for him.  There isn't someone out there that can give him something that I do not. I know that I am meeting his needs.  As if you need another reason number five It just feels good.  I love Daddy very much, and I want to touch him and be touched by him all the time I crave the contact an miss it when I don't have it. Which leaves me to all the questions that people might have. What if you are tired? Well, I am tired, all the time actually, I currently have a temporary medical condition that exhausts me. However, I do not think that there is anything much worse than telling the person you love that you are just to tired to love them. So I put that aside, because right now if I gave up every day I was tired we would be one of those twice a month couples. Not In This HOUSE!  What if you don't feel like it? So I don't have this problem often but I find that within minutes not feeling like it changes to Hello lets do this. Everyone loses the drive, but all the drive does is make to us seek sex, it does not limit your ability to participate or enjoy it. In contrast, you may find it help with the things that are likely to reduce drive stress, anxiety, and low self-esteem.  What I suggest is that if you find the drive is low, give foreplay a few minutes and see what happens. What if you just don't have the time?  We find it, if its a quickie on the kitchen table before work, a romp on the couch while watching our favorite shows, or something naughty in a parking lot before shopping. We find the time, each and every day. What about kids/family/friends don't they get in the way? Only if you let them. At minimum Daddy and I have one date day a week. We don't spend money all the time, we go for hike, have a picnic lunch, just go for rides as long as we are together. Too many people equant dates with money that's not the case at all. Also look into a cheap get away like camping, you can get a campsite for $15-$20 per night. Most camp grounds have swimming, hiking, fire pits and no wifi. Even if you only get away for a couple hours it's time. Can't make that happen? Then set aside you time at home, even if it is 30 minutes after the kids go to bed to cuddle on the couch. You have to make your relationship a priority because no one else in your life will. Something that people have said to me was "it seems like you don't have a say" not true. Daddy has a gift and at times I feel his gift long after he's given it to me, and if you multiply that several time in a day sometimes the fourth time will hurt in a not so good way, so I explain that I'm sore and we cuddle. The same goes if I'm sick, or injured.  That being said I always give Daddy a reason instead of a "No" while it does not happen often "no" is dismissive and makes people feel they are not wanted, or leaves them to figure out why you don't want them.  An explanation is more of a way to say "it's not that I don't want to, its I'm sick" and I'm not talking about the habitual head ache here.
So all that out there I do understand that this is not for everyone and there are circumstance that prohibit people to be as active as we are. This is only my perspective on our life. I do think that living this way makes us both feel happier and secure. I also know that our relationship is strong enough to handle if we had to change the way we do things.   I do think that if people are able this is something they should consider trying even if its for a little while. It might just improve your relationship.

conversation with no one

I am lost in a grown up world. Stuck on adult mode. Seems like we have been forgotten or tired of little lady.  What happens when you give willingly, when you make it easy.  After a while there is less   Effort, and no one wants to play. You find yourself alone again, and she, the part that keeps you sane. Just put her away for now. You know this, the adult world. You can do it go with the flow, follow the steps, be rewarded with the grown up title. It’s okay, no one can see the part of you that slowly dies away.  I feel the loss, I feel sad for her. Always bright and shiny at first, but the novelty is gone now and she’s no longer needed. Time to grow up little lady. No one has time for that, not once they realize how easy it is to get to the finish line.  I’m sorry Sally, too much work and there’s tv to watch, and the internet isn’t going to troll its self.  No control, just chaos Silence everywhere , I wonder how I haven’t burned a hole in your head from staring at the side of your face for hours. It’s fine, you don’t see me anymore. I can slap on a complacent smile, and scream on the inside.  Should it have been different? Can it ever be? We are only creatures of our habits. We will watch things burn while holding the matches wondering who started the fire.  I started the fire. I have fully, and easily given you what you desire. Now, years have past, and like a clock I tick as expected when I’m expected.  Just show up I’ll give you the time. My only need is to please you, make you happy. Make a list of my faults while you chip away at the little I’m given to meet my needs. I’ll be whoever you want me to be, as long as you smile for me. I don’t have needs, that’s a myth. After all I’m a woman my only need, my only purpose is to please you.  What? Oh no dear I wasn’t saying anything, go back to watching your show.