conversation with no one

I am lost in a grown up world. Stuck on adult mode. Seems like we have been forgotten or tired of little lady.  What happens when you give willingly, when you make it easy.  After a while there is less   Effort, and no one wants to play. You find yourself alone again, and she, the part that keeps you sane. Just put her away for now. You know this, the adult world. You can do it go with the flow, follow the steps, be rewarded with the grown up title. It’s okay, no one can see the part of you that slowly dies away.  I feel the loss, I feel sad for her. Always bright and shiny at first, but the novelty is gone now and she’s no longer needed. Time to grow up little lady. No one has time for that, not once they realize how easy it is to get to the finish line.  I’m sorry Sally, too much work and there’s tv to watch, and the internet isn’t going to troll its self.  No control, just chaos Silence everywhere , I wonder how I haven’t burned a hole in your head from staring at the side of your face for hours. It’s fine, you don’t see me anymore. I can slap on a complacent smile, and scream on the inside.  Should it have been different? Can it ever be? We are only creatures of our habits. We will watch things burn while holding the matches wondering who started the fire.  I started the fire. I have fully, and easily given you what you desire. Now, years have past, and like a clock I tick as expected when I’m expected.  Just show up I’ll give you the time. My only need is to please you, make you happy. Make a list of my faults while you chip away at the little I’m given to meet my needs. I’ll be whoever you want me to be, as long as you smile for me. I don’t have needs, that’s a myth. After all I’m a woman my only need, my only purpose is to please you.  What? Oh no dear I wasn’t saying anything, go back to watching your show.