I will start with a disclaimer, what I am about to write about is not for everyone. I am aware as I write this that there are going to be people that read it and say "oh hell no" I will not assume they will all be women, but I do acknowledge that feminists may attempt to revoke my woman card. :P That being said today's blog is about consensual non-consent, or as Daddy likes to call it "I get to hit it whenever I want!"
So lets go back for a second in case anyone here is new and not following. Daddy had previously been in a relationship with a narcissistic, bipolar, woman *cough..twatwaffle..cough cough*** anyway he had to follow the pattern unfortunately many people come to know in their relationships. Beg, plead, be turned down, become resentful, argue about lack of sex, be given pity band-aid sex, feel like crap, repeat. This leaves a person feeling insecure, and terrified of rejection. There is nothing worse in this world than to feel unwanted by the person who is supposed to love you. Some of the loneliest people in the world are in a relationship.
I was abused, and forced to tell the person "I want it" this created a problem. If a man asks me for sex it is an immediate turn off, and he is turned down. The feeling of guilt for wanting something that was used as a punishment for so long is too much. However, I never was with anyone who I trusted enough to give the gift to. No one who could meet my needs. My ex-husband was an abusive man he would have abused it and hurt me further. Aside from the obvious listed above I feel like a person should not have to beg for what should freely be given. We need sex to maintain a chemical, physical, and emotional connection with our lovers. It should never be used as a weapon, punishment, or bargaining chip.
Daddy and I were seeing each other for a few weeks when I felt like I could drop the bomb on him. I looked at him and said "I only have one rule. You don't ask for sex. If you ask you will be told no. You will from now on take freely what is yours" I think he thought I was losing my mind. However, as any man would I believe he tested the theory. I think he was thinking there is no way she can keep this up. So a few years later we are still at it. He calls the shots so it doesn't matter if its been 5 minutes/5 hours if he wants something he gets it. If he takes his dick out I do something with it. I find that there are many benefits to the arrangement we have. The first being that he never has to worry about getting turned down. No one feels rejects. No one questions whether they are loved or wanted. It reduces a great amount of stress on his end to not have to wonder if his needs are going to be met.
The agreement is while he doesn't have to ask he does have to convince me. Which means I get lots of kisses, and foreplay ;) I can actually tell by the look on his face what's up (pun intended) I trust him enough to take health, locations, and situations into consideration before he attempts to hit it. However, if you want to see a person gain a ton of confidence, put them in a situation where they know their needs will be met without struggle. There is nothing like a man that knows he has the power to take what he wants when he wants it.
So I know there are going to be a ton of questions and I happen to have my crystal ball out to help answer them. Yes, we have jobs full-time opposite shifts of each other. Yes, we have kids. Yes, there are days one or both of us isn't exactly feeling it. While they are few and far between. If there is a real issue, I let Daddy know ahead of time. The question about being in the mood doesn't apply to me I have an unusually high sex drive. I still reserve the right to use the safe word if we have had a busy day and my body has had too much. I benefit from this as well sex releases the feel good chemicals into your brain and body. I am basically, in a perpetual good mood all the time. Also we never fight about sex which is one of the top three reasons couples fight.
It is not for everyone. I know the idea its self is terrifying to some. I know there are people out there that would abuse this power. I know that trust plays a huge part. What I can tell you is this. Do not enter into this lightly as it should be with a person you can trust with your body, emotions, and safety. This person should be able to put your needs above their wants. If you do not feel comfortable enough to give over that control, then don't. It might be a romantic notion but it can be dangerous in the wrong relationship.
<3 Sally
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