Still learning.

Here we are all this time later. I need to say that we are still learning everyday about each other and our journey.  I can still see the places that we have grown, along side the room to grow. Daddy is still working on fully committing himself in the Dominate role, and I am learning to communicate effectively. I am not good at it. It is my nature to shut down when I'm upset. I want the feelings to go away, and avoiding the conversation about them seems to help.  I have a private blog where I can write my feelings. However, it is hard on Daddy when I do not come right out with what is wrong. We are comfortable in our role now, there is still room for improvement.  As a middle I could always use more structure. I think that Daddy could use more practice with sharing his feelings too, and laying down structure that reflects his wants and needs. Sometimes, I feel like I'm not sure what I am doing. Sometimes I feel like I have broken rules I didn't  even know existed.  It is difficult because I am pushed to be independent at the same time I feel like I constantly disappoint him somehow. I have spent some days thinking maybe this isn't for me? Sometimes I just feel lost, and I know that I am not alone.  We are working and need to continue to keep working through the inconsistencies. However, I think a few years in for anyone to say they are pros, is ridiculous. There is no way to know all the speed bumps you are going to hit along the way.  We have to learn to follow the contract fully and as written, that is not something either of us are very good at. This happens with life and being busy I suppose. I am not sure what the answer is. Quit and go traditional? Work harder?  Bedroom only? I guess that's something I have to figure out.