Sally gets Married

On September 6, 2017 I married the love of my life. Someone who accepts me for exactly who I am without expectation for me to change. I was not scared or nervous. I never felt more certain of anything in my life. This man is my best friend, my lover, my Daddy, my whole heart, my smile. I love him so completely.  The day was perfect, and he even took the time to whisper something dirty in my ear.  It has been a smooth journey, I know some people would be saying wild or rough but that only applies to out bedroom activities not our life. We compliment each other so well and while we are not perfect we happen to be perfect for each other.  As I studder through vows trying to keep from blubbering like a baby, I am impatient. I cannot wait to to be his in every way, and I want him to be mine. There room is full but he is the only one I see, it's just he and I.  Finally, I hear the words I have been waiting for and we are married. ❤️ The rest of the afternoon is a blur, pictures and well wishes.  Cupcakes, and kisses. I am still in awe that I can love another human being this much. I know that I am beyond lucky. When I look at him I see pure love and think I might just bust with all the Feelings I have for him.  I want to spend every day of the rest of my life with him. We match each other so well sometimes it's scary.  I am so very happy.  <3

Somewhere in the middle

Daddy and I have been on a journey through life together. We had drug ourselves out of the terrible relationships that we once knew and managed to find each other. Part of this journey is our path in BDSM as Daddy and Little. For me I struggled with the little title because I do not fit all the stereotypes. Don't get me wrong I love stuffed animals, and I will put some pigtails in with the snap of Daddy's fingers if he wants to play slutty cheerleader, and douchey football star ;) However, I have no desire to wear them all the time, or color, drink from a sippy, etc. If others do that is fine. However, I have found through additional research that you can be a Middle (12-17 age range) which is still considered a little just a different age range. That was a relief. Middles tend to be a bit more mischievous which gets them into trouble with Daddy a little more often. They enjoy older activities such as movies, dates, shopping, going for walks, going for ice cream, and gaming.  They tend to be more flirty than a little, and a have higher sex drives. So I'm a little that's stuck in the middle and that is okay. 

Part of this journey for me is trusting another human being enough to not question myself. I understand that what Daddy says is final, I struggle, occasionally, with the fear that comes with trusting another person with well your life and all the decisions. It is a difficult task for those of us that are new and have not lived like this for that long. I have only ever depended on myself, I find at times I'm second guessing myself. I want to be good and obedient, but the bratty nature of being a middle gets in the way at times. I know this is just something I have to continue to work on as time goes on. I know that it can't always be easy for Daddy either to know what to do with me when I am struggling. It is important to take the time to learn about your roles and don't just dive in assuming you know it all. Just as it is important to talk to each other and work it out. 

Middles like little's need clear boundaries because they will wiggle through if you leave wiggle room. This is an important part of being a Daddy is making sure you are giving information and not just short answers. I personally do better if someone talks things through with me instead of being dismissive. If I don't feel things are resolved I instantly go into defensive mode. I have learned the hard way unresolved issues can come back later. In the absence of resolution I spiral. I'm not certain how to handle myself, or if the issue will creep up later. This make communication even more important to me. I need reassurance everything is going to be okay.  

Adding little things to your big world.

I love my little self :), more accurately I am a middle I favor more teenager like traits.  For so long I have hidden my little. While she is very much a part of me even in the community that should accept Daddy and I there are those who just do not get it. I feel even if I stand on a box an shout "this has nothing to do with pedophilia!" there are those who will still shake their heads and wonder why I would want to pretend to be five and bang my dad. **Sigh** This isn't about that though. For little/middle like me you know that there is this stigma in the world, and it is hard for people to see the real dynamic at work here. This means that it is even harder for us to bring pieces of our little lives into our big worlds.  It is super hard being adulty so much is expected especially if you have a high stress job. I have been looking for way to represent my whole self in my daily life. So I have looked into ways that I can sneak things in. I love music, and I have very cute headphones that I take to work. It isn't anything that anyone would notice. So when I am stressed at work I can put them on and listen to my music. It little space but on an adulty level ;)

 So the big day is coming and I am of course talking about the wedding. My wedding to be exact, and I have spent some time trying to figure out how to sympathetically blend both worlds. I have a huge family, so it cannot be obvious. I was able to fine the cutest Mary Janes! They are red and they have the cutest bows. The will look cute with skinny jeans, and killer with my dress.  Only Daddy and I will know the significance. It is important to find and maintain a balance. I want to have that part there with us because it is such a pillar in our life. I understand that this may be difficult for some of us. Especially, if you have friends and family that are of the more conservative nature. You do not want to select items that will draw too much obvious attention. You don't want to have to answer a bunch of questions about your Hello Kitty headband at work. Select small trinkets that can easily blend in with everyone else. Take time to look around the environment and see what you can get away with. In example, my office mate has lots of little figurines on her desk, I plan on adding some of my little figurines as well. 

As I get more comfortable in my skin, I find that I care less about the opinions of others. I am happy, and my life feels complete. So why would I leave a piece of my self out?  No one should have to choose what part of themselves that can be in public. 

The Sicky sads.

Any little knows that her Daddy is the big strong protector. This is the reason we choose them to begin with. However, even Daddy's get sick.  This can pose a problem for a little. We are very used to having lots of attention, and time with Daddy. Recently, Daddy was sick for a while, it was all he could do to drag himself to work. When he was home he was sleeping, or very weak and tired.  I tried very hard to look after him and make sure he was okay. Most of the time though I was lonely. Daddy is my best friend and we do a lot together. So I felt a little lost. I read books, took long baths, watched TV, cleaned, and cuddled Daddy while he slept. So when Daddy started to feel better it made me very happy. Daddy could see I was starved for attention so he wanted to play.  While it was nice Daddy used up too much energy and didn't feel great after. Which brings me to an important point when reentering you life after a injury or illness take your time and go slow. Don't try to jump back into where you left off. Your body takes time to recover, and when you are participating in activities where you will be exhorting a great deal of energy remember your body is still trying to heal.  Daddy's are caretakers by nature so I understand that he wanted to take care of me. Sometimes, though a little must put on her adulty pants, and make sure her Daddy is in tip top shape. Remember, kisses and cuddles help people heal, save the rough stuff for when everyone is at 100 %  

Missing Daddy

I remember the first trip I ever had to go on for work. It was 10 years ago and the woman I was traveling with was inconsolable, and I thought that she was a sappy fool. I, on the other hand was 7 years into a bad marriage and thankful for the time away. I had a long list of all the things I was going to do, and enjoy while I was away. There was minimal contact between my ex and I. I spent my evenings rolling my eyes from my side of the shared room, while my roommate's husband was on the phone trying to console her.  She was a mess, and I just did not get it. After all there was a hot tub and no men to boss us around what was her deal? 

Today, I sat in a training and listed to the presenter define "normal."  As he pointed out that there really isn't a normal, as everyone has quirks others might not appreciate, and humans are fluid changing as time marches on. I thought about that first trip.  I have not been away from home long, and in all I will only be gone a matter of days. However, what he said struck me because if I was still the me of 10 years ago I would probably be annoyed with the me I am today. Funny, how the world works isn't it?   

I have to acknowledge that I am an entirely different person now. I am a brat, I am a submissive, I am a little, I belong to Daddy.  As such I have a contract which means my life is very regulated. I work all day long and there I am the HBIC. However, when I get home I submit to my Daddy and follow his rules. I put my collar on, I look for him, we share affection, and greet each other. There is a lot of affection. When you have been a person that was affection starved most of your life, these things become very important. 

So here I am away from him for a hand full of days which feels like an eternity and while there are calls, face time, texts. It does not replace hugs, kisses, and cuddles.  

I find myself feeling lost, lonely, and sad. I just want to go home and curl up in his arms and breathe him in. 

I know he misses me to, I'm just the more emotional of the two of us. So tonight while I am having a bath and a cry the psychologist in me can't help but whisper the words "Codependent" in my doubtful ear.  Am I? No, in love yes, committed definitely, owned absolutely . However, I am strong and independent in my own right.  This made me think about all the people in long distance, or not ideal relationships where they cannot see each other often. How this too must be a struggle.  So how do you deal with being away from your Dom, without losing your mind?

First thing is make sure you make use of your "See you later day"  the day before one of you goes away make sure your spending time together and being affectionate. For me it was cuddles, and kisses. Breathing Daddy in so I can remember his smell.  Secondly,  if you have trinkets that are special to you bring them with you for me this was my ring, my day collar, and my bear. These are all special gifts from Daddy to me so they mean a lot. We made the bear together, I think I may have rubbed his ear off this week. Three, establish a schedule of communication, especially for little as we are needy! Make sure you stick to this schedule, as many components of the relationship are missed out on during this time. Finally, remind yourself this is temporary! 

I know some of you maybe reading this thinking she's whining about a few days, I haven't seen my SO in months. Know that I understand that too, in the beginning the first year or so Daddy and I were together we had a relationship that did not allow us to spend much time together.  We saw each other when we could and it became very difficult to leave him when I had too. Initially, we believed that this would be the way we were going to have to live for a few years, but things changed and he was able to move sooner than we expected.  We have been inseparable since.

I believe that when we have relationships that require such a high level of respect, communication, and intimacy one cannot help but to become attached.  There is nothing wrong with craving the one you love, or longing to be with them. When situations arise that require the one you love to be away from you. Try and stay calm, and remember you'll be home soon!   Missing my Daddy <3 Sally

Time, Love, and Dominance

Very often I come across people wanting information about how to encourage their lover to be "more".  They need more sex, affection, foreplay, kink, noise, orgasms, connection...Just more. The question often comes up is it appropriate to end an otherwise good relationship if there is not a strong sexual connection, or relationship. I am not here to give you the answer as only you can decide what your deal breakers are. What I can do is share some information on how Daddy and I continue to grow together.

In any relationship, including mine, there has to be a core sexual belief system. You have to agree on things like how often, how much, what you will try, what's off limits, and what's important. If you're having this conversation and are noticing right away there are big differences you need to be asking the question: Is there room to compromise?  If the answer is no then you have already hit your first brick wall.  Now, let me be clear I am not advocating the mass destruction of marriages/relationships where sex is an issue. I am saying as a collective group we do not ask these questions until it is too late and we end up wondering how to back out of a relationship without hurting anyone, or if we can struggle through.

What I can tell you is this I used to be of the mindset that "sex does not matter" not that I don't like sex. I do, a lot, but I was raised that it was not a priority just a pleasant relationship enhancer.  No one ever explained intimacy to me, so it was years before I made that connection. My last relationship was 17 years. We were not sexually compatible, we were not even on the same planet as far a sex is concerned.  He was very "get in, get off, get out" no extras, no kink, no intimacy, no cuddles, no variance in positions, no touching, just no.  

I can give you some scientific facts here. The less you have sex the weaker your bond with your partner becomes. The weaker your bond, the easier it is for the relationship to crumble. It is a major piece of your relationship foundation. The same is true for kissing, touching, hand holding, or frequent sex without emotional connection. When lovers do not meet on the sexual playing field the first crack in their foundation occurs. When I was taking human sexuality in college my professor would say "A good sex life can make a bad relationship last years, a bad sex life will end a good relationship within months"  So for me, I didn't know better. I was in a bad relationship, with bad sex for years. 

So where did this lead me? To my very first sexual conversation in my life at 36 years old with Daddy. Who had a also had a mismatched partner the first time around.  So we have had many conversations over what was important. In the beginning it was important to have the lights on as we were both condemned to dark only.  It was important for Daddy to not have to "beg" and equally as important for me to be with a man who does not ask.  Silence was not going to work for Daddy, and I was sick of being quiet. We both wanted to try new things but were very nervous about it. 

At the core we agree and are the same, which made everything else sort of easy. I say sort of because I am leading to the next part of my blog which is time and effort. So lets say you have the conversation and you try things and your partner is moving at a speed that does not make you happy then what? Well, you be encouraging, and wait.  Daddy did not just show up one day with his spanking hand warm and ready to go looking at me and saying "little needs a spanking". He didn't know he was a Daddy, I didn't know I was a little. We stumbled across it and we learned. 

Before the life style our sex life was already phenomenal. We have always had a strong physical and emotional connection. However, in the beginning Daddy was not certain he could be the Dom, I was not certain I could submit.  So we took our time and started slow. One thing as a time, then we talked about it after, assigned it a number value, and determined its standing in our lives.  I cannot hammer communication home enough. If there was something we are working on the other is encouraging, but never pushy. We don't get frustrated with each-other.    

This is important because a person will shut down if they receive a lot of sexual pressure. Unfortunately, we live in a instant gradification society where everyone wants everything now! We forget what a huge change this life style is for some. Some of us are ready to jump in both feet; some of need time to gather information, learn, process, and figure where we fit. This is what most of us struggle with. Because while there is a couple core, there is also the human core. What a person is or isn't when we strip away the layers. 

In the beginning Daddy was just my love, and he thought he wanted me in control. I knew better. He had been long oppressed by all the women in is life and thought that is how we  all were. That was what he knew. Years later, he knows he cannot be submissive.  I thought I could never be submissive, I for too long had people reign over me with power they had taken, not earned. Today, I know my place is to submit.  As most of us in the lifestyle we continue to learn, grow, evolve. 

For the past couple years I have been building Daddy up. I continue to encourage him to assert his dominance. He has done well, there are things he had to do on his own time, like me he struggles with the play that might cause a marks, or is painful. In example, hair pulling he would start and stop himself. For me I am a feisty vixen I bite and scratch. Seeing the marks after make me feel bad so I restrain myself and he encourages. 

Today, after he gave me his "come take care of Daddy" order he grabbed a fist full of hair and used his handle to guide me.  Afterwards, he said how much he liked it and I was happy he finally got over the hurdle. My point is boys and girls it takes time. Especially, if this is something new, and out of ones comfort zone. Allow your partner the time to find their footing in this new world. Be supportive, talk to them, be encouraging, but don't expect them to move at your speed.  It will be worth the wait I promise.  Remember, it is your life style and what you are comfortable with. There is no mandatory handbook that must be followed to the letter.

Daddy, to me is a king among men. It is my job to help keep my king on his throne.  It is your job to support you partner to grow as well, as long as your core is the same. You have to have some common ground to work on. Daddy has said it best, if the person your with does not meet your sexual needs, but is a wonderful person. Let them be wonderful for someone else. It's okay to want to have a strong sexual relationship with the person you love, and if that part of the relationship is not there but you stay just for the love that's okay too. We are often looking for answers from others, when most of the time we already have them but are to afraid to face the truth.  I have posted a link below for the dominant/ submissive checklist. It is the best place to start and find a core to work from.  <3 Sally

http://www.differentstrokes.co.za/store/img/cms/DSChecklist.pdf

Outdoor adventures

Daddy and I tend to be a bit adventurous. We like to be outside, we enjoy the sunshine, the fresh air, the blue sky, and trees. We have a bit of a habit of marking our adventures with a orgasm, well for me at least. Its not always safe for Daddy to take the anaconda out. I make sure to always dress so that Daddy and slip in and out unnoticed.  However, it is always fun when Daddy can have as much fun as I am!

There have been a few times were we have been able to pull off joint ventures in example we have taken a quick romp behind a tree at a park during the winter. We have christened the hood of my car on a hot summer night. We have made love under the stars while a family of opossums have watched. 

Very recently took the pleasure in the beautiful day we have had here. Up north the summer is short and slow to start. However, we were blessed with a beautiful sunny day recently.  Daddy calls me out to the back yard (it's private) and says let's lay in the sun.  So I go out to the yard and realize quickly Daddy has others plans. Soon we are rolling in the cool grass with the sun on our skin. It is slowly and sweetly that we love each other at first.  Then Daddy rolls me over and smacks my ass a good one.  With the sun on my skin I enjoy the rhythmic pounding Daddy delivers. The sound of  the birds singing, the breeze blowing through the trees. The feel of the grass between my fingers. It was wonderful on my senses.